Finally, a business who’s name expresses their actual feelings about your wants and needs.

There is no truth to the rumor that Bill O’Reilly’s famous “Phuket, we’ll do it live” rant lead to the name.

Q. What part of “no” didn’t you understand?

• A. Actually the word “no” has only one part. And I understand it completely. My persistence has nothing to do with a lack of understanding.

Q. Do you expect me to believe that?

• A. My expectations have no relevance here. I am simply stating the facts as I understand them.

Q. Why do I get stuck with all the losers?

• A. Because of your so-called “haircut”. You didn’t actually ask for for the sideways reverse Mohawk look did you?

Q. Hot enough for you?

• A. Yes it is. My body’s requirement for heat is being met, perhaps even exceeded. Now that I think about it, it’s actually quite a bit hotter than I would prefer. But I’m getting off track here. You only asked if it was hot enough for me, and to that, my answer is yes. A resounding yes.

Q. How many times do I have to tell you?

• A. That is impossible to determine without the benefit of hindsight. I suggest we avoid even attempting to predetermine how many times you have to tell me. Simply tell me as many times as it takes to achieve your desired result, and then the answer to your question will be self-evident.

Q. Who’s asking?

• A. I’m Batman.

Q. How much do you love me right now?

• A. You got tickets?!! God, I called every place in town! They said “Avatar on Ice” is sold out for five months! What did you do, blow the concierge or something? Hey, what’s that look for? Geez I make one little joke. Meanwhile I have to listen to you sing that awful Kenny Rogers song every time I get up from a Blackjack table. This is not the weekend I had in mind. I’m sorry. You know what? My blood sugar must be really low. Can we get a bagel or something?

Q. What will they think of next?

• A. The next thing they will think of is a way to clone chicken eggs, which will reduce the cost of store-bought eggs by taking the chicken completely out of the loop.

Q. Was that a promise or a threat?

• A. It was a threat. Albeit, an empty one. But not as empty as your half-assed challenge to it.

Q. Who would fuck him?

• A. Any person who finds him sufficiently attractive or compelling. Or a whore.

Q. Could you be any stupider?

• A. No. I am as stupid, or for that matter, as smart, as I can possibly be. Of course, I am capable of learning, in which case I will become more knowledgeable. I could suffer brain damage, in which case I would become less aware. But my basic intelligence level is more or less set.

Q. Working hard or hardly working?

• A. Don’t give me that fake camaraderie, you glad-handing jack-off. I’m working and you’re pretending to be like me by asking that pointless question. You’re probably going to bill someone for the time you spent on this non-conversation.

Q. What the hell do you know about butyrylcholinesterase K variants?

• A. A lot more than Gandys and Schoefield, that’s for sure. I was on the original team that determined the frequency of the BCHE-K genotype in the first place, so don’t be so quick to judge.

Q. How bad am I?

• A. Superbad, my man. Superbad.

Add your own below. It’s fun.